Five Ways to Immediately Change Your Life

1. Pick a new name and don't tell anyone.
Whenever anyone calls you by your "old" name just give a long-suffering shake of your head.

2. Hire a day laborer to be your executive assistant.
Everyone needs a "Yes Man" now and then. Especially one that's handy with a shovel. Cost $50 a day.

3. Tickle a stranger.
It's legal if you ask.

4. Release a sex tape.
Out of your vagina or anus if you can.

5. Pretend you don't know how to read.
Whenever reading becomes an issue, start crying and defer to your executive assistant.