Typical Valley Jew Relationship Manifesto

Being an overly sensitive Valley Jew, I appreciate the relationship advice of Susie and Otto Collins. Two average-looking suburbanites on their second marriage and looking to help people do things right by the love the next time around.

They just published what they called their Relationship Manifesto and encouraged other couples to do the same.

Here are some highlights from their Manifesto:

1. We are monogamous and it's very obvious to others that we are.

2. We do not run away emotionally or physically when things
get tough but find new ways to open to each other.

3. We make our relationship and passion a priority in our lives.

I’ve composed what I call the Typical Valley Jew Relationship Manifesto.

1. We will eat at Claim Jumpers consistently. “I’ll hold the pager!”
2. We will talk about movies with people we don’t know. “Did the people in the audience gasp when he kissed Jake Gyllenhaal in front of his wife?”
3. We will complain about things our older relatives do and then do them ourselves. “ And you should hear her complain about Costco's lasagna!”
4. We will brag about our most troubled children the most to garner empathy along with admiration. “He’s dating a married woman. But she’s so rich!”
5.We will never leave the Valley. “Unless we can afford something in Calabasas.”