Making Perversion New

My pal Mike shocked me the other day.

He told me that he might quit MySpace.

I told him that that was like quitting email.

After that, he stopped responding to me. But I think that was more because I was trying to get him to start a blog with me. I had just found out that LoveFakeBoobs.com was available.


The way the conversation began is that I'd sent Mike this link Not just youth on MySpace: half are over 35.

It is depressing, in a way. But it was also a great point to make me feel better about something particularly pervy I did one night when I was drunk. Being new to the area, I decided to say hi to every 23 year old who lived within 10 miles. Being drunk, I told myself that the fact I was being so specific would excuse me from the actual perversity of randomly contacting females born in 1983 for no reason other than to be an old pervert. Of course, this was before the Foley Scandal became public. And well before I was ever elected to congress, which will never happen because I'm on MySpace.

Anyway, one of the girls told me that I was too old "to have a Myspace". Actually wrote me back to tell me that.

So this news story, while in no way absolving myself of having a fetish for women of exactly 23 years of age, definitely proves that I am not too old "to have a MySpace."

I know I'm weird because deep down I don't feel bad about being old. Of course, I am shamed by my lack of accomplishments. But that's about being me, not being old.

I'm glad to be alive in an era where being old is being redefined. Eventually we will have 20 year olds who have been social networking for 10 or 15 years. Will that make them think I'm older or younger? Hopefully it will just make everything more interesting and better.

Because as much as we live in a fucking boring world, it is actually a horrible tragedy at the same time. I don't mean this in a pessimistic sense. This is factual. It's everywhere. Even in America, children suffer in varieties of ways, sometimes even starving to death while childhood obesity increasingly becomes a problem. 10-15,000 people are given the death penalty in China every year. Often without any sort of serious legal vetting. Then their organs are sold to bidders from around the world for up to $100,000 while no money is given to the donor's family. Not to mention what happened in the Gulf Coast last year, Iraq, Sudan, Afghanistan, Somalia, fuck, most of Africa. And all the other terrible horrors I know nothing about because obviously all of this terrible shit isn't enough to motivate me to actually do anything with my life.

And what's boring about our world? I love the sunshine, the smiles of children, the wags of domesticated tales. I'm not ignoring all that. There's so much good (as I write this Project Runway and America's Top Model are both in new episodes) that it's easy to ignore the bad. The horrible banality that disenchants the majority of our life. The disgusting traffic, people, food, air and time of the weekdays, where hating yourself is part of the daily coping. Working till Friday when you can obliterate yourself with wine, women, shopping, home improvement and sushi.

But fuck all that. I can't think about that.

So,yeah basically, I think MySpace is part of the new world that can improve all that. Make everything more social, less painful and more promising. Even if it makes me an old perv, it's better than being an old perv in the old world.