26 Things that Will Hopefully Shock the People of the Future

People weren’t allowed to smoke pot. People weren’t allowed to say “shit” on TV. We still built Skynet though we were well aware the computers really wanted to kill us. We still fought wars about what we thought God told some people thousands of years ago. Karl Rove was not in jail.

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How to Prepare for War with Iran

Iran only needs to sink one oil tanker in the Strait of Hormuz and within a week skyrocketing insurance rates on shipping will paralyze trade across the globe. But who cares, right?

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Why Divorce Must Be Illegal

With California legalizing marriage between adults of the same gender, we must defend marriage. And we have to do it now before the stubborn nucleus and heart of this society, marriage, is allowed to waste away like the fatty parts of a Thanksgiving turkey. If we don’t do this, we might as well invite the suicide bombers over for lunch and negotiations.

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I get very upset when...

...people say that humans contracted AIDS from fucking a monkey. There's a very good chance that there was a man and a monkey that once fell very much in love.

Will America Ever Become Enlightened Enough to Elect a Really, Really Old Person President?

I hope not.

The Pre-9/11 Mentality

The Post-9/11 Mentality saved us from the Taliban. It kept Saddam Hussein from marching into Times Square with a nuclear warhead filled with Nigerian Uranium strapped on his back. Most importantly, the Post-9/11 Mentality is what kept the evil sonofabitch liberals from raising the dividend tax on those heroes earning over $250,000 a year.

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I May Be a Pervert

I think I may have a cumming fetish. I really love to cum. It's like I can't get off unless I do.

People From the San Fernando Valley: Tom Waits

Believe it. To the Wikipedia, Tom Waits is as Valley as Jerry Mathers.

Here's Tom Waits favorite 20 albums.

Photo by: Hryckowian.