Sunday, April 27, 2008

Nine Inch Nails Video: Discipline

Trent Reznor really gets it. The band rendered as the Village People in 80s video game style for the most radio-friendly single from NIN in a while.

3-on-3 Basketball with Barack Obama

Most Viewed YouTube: Tricia Walsh-Smith YouTube Superstar

Most Viewed YouTube: ☆無17★

Asian girl stares into a web cam for 30 seconds. That's entertainment.

Most Viewed YouTube: Michael Jackson Moves on "Britain Has Talent"

Fun surprise halfway in.

Popular YouTube Video: 野 聖火リレー アクシデント

The Olympic torch being attacked inside JAPAN.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Popular YouTube Video: Fred

Spazzy, Frankie-Muniz looking kid with a baby voice freaks out. Mildly fun!

Popular YouTube Video: Beppe Grillo - Torino - Apertura V2-day

An educated guess: This is some huge political rally somewhere in Italy, Torino, probably. This guy, Beppe Grillo, is peaceful but mad, I think. Europeans are definitely more political than us. I think we--middle-class American--have agoraphobia. We only leave the house for a good concert.

What I wish it was: I wish Beppe Grillo was Italy's foremost expert on analingus. I wish he was shouting about how good it feels not only to receive analingus but also to give it, which is really the greatest gift of all.

Radiohead-- "All I Need"

Great song off of "In Rainbows."

To get a sense of how great the lyrics are, you should also check out this remix where somehow someone got Thom Yorke's voice to render exactly as Stevie Nicks: Radiohead - All I Need (Them Jeans Stevie Nicks Vocal Mix)

I Need to Know

Should I be referring to my man boobs as

A) Manmaries


B) Male Lady Lumps

Friday, April 25, 2008

Sex: What's Normal By the Numbers?

How does your love life compare to you neighbors?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Guide to Things You Should Actually Worry About

It isn’t strangers we should be worrying about. It’s the people we know who we should watch out for, particularly if they are male and drunk and you are a foreign-born female.

read more | digg story

Friday, April 18, 2008

Is the US Government Really Practicing Enforcing Marial Law?

Cracking down on terrorists in Memphis?

read more | digg story

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

My New Show On ICN—Phallus Suckers!

It’s a simple concept: Unsuspecting people are offered the chance to answer one question of the United States Citizenship test. If they get it right, they win an iPod Mini. If they get it wrong, we get them to suck on something—a banana, a cucumber, a baseball bat pen—that resembles a phallus!

read more | digg story

Monday, April 14, 2008

A Guide to Growing Up in the San Fernando Valley

You will end up on television—as an extra, a contestant on a game show, a passerby as a newscaster or host yucks it up for the camera. Your entire living room will be furnished by what your mom won in the Showcase Showdown on the Price is Right in 1981. Your parents were on the Newlywed Game five years before you were born. But they got creamed.

read more | digg story

Friday, April 11, 2008

Goodbye Artie Lange?

Artie Lange Quits The Howard Stern Show

How Would You Like to Be Artie Lange's New Assistant?

I have a tendency to side with any articulate, hilarious and bloated bully who eventually gets his comeuppance, but there are so many reasons I love Artie Lange. (The basics: he's a rare triple threat, like the Willie Mays of comedy. Good impressionist, as quick in character as any improv fag and a terror with the punch-lines.) I'd hate for anyone to think that his rampant homophobia, honesty and drug use are the only reasons that news of his departure makes me apoplectic.

But the good news is that there's a 90% chance he'll be back. 45% chance that this was actually staged; 45% chance that it really happened and cooler heads will prevail.

If he doesn't come back, people propose that a Greg Fitzsimmons or a Reverend Bob Levy could replace him. That's like replacing Sammy Hagar with Gary Cherone. You'd need a Dave Attell to even come close to what Artie offers.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Ten Things That Really Make Me Worry

I’m Going to Grow Old: And it’ll be a lot like becoming a baby again except with the excruciating awareness that I’ve shouldn’t have shit in my draws. Plus the fun part of manic depression.

read more | digg story

Friday, April 04, 2008

10 Memories of the San Fernando Valley

1. They filmed most of the silent westerns in the hills around Chatsworth at the northwest corner of the San Fernando Valley. I saw Poltergeist II being filmed blocks from my house. Made eye contact with that cute little girl that player the creepy little girl as she worked on homework in an air-conditioned trailer. I fell in love with her right then—as I have with any cute girl whom I made prolonged eye contact with from age seven on.

2. When I Love Lucy was the most popular TV show in the world, Desi and Lucy owned a house in Chatsworth. It was later turned into a school. My brother and I went there for a couple of years to avoid the bussing. My brother met Lucy once. She’d come back to see the place and kept saying how glad she was that they’d kept the pool. They eventually got rid of the pool.

3. The Manson Family lived in Spawn Ranch in the hills nearby. Just a few years ago old Charlie and his zombies would wander right down the street near my house to dig through the trash bins at Hughes Market. We looked but we never found the ranch. During my childhood I heard it was one of eleven different places including in the train tunnel through to Simi Valley in the Santa Susana pass, which never made a lick of fucking sense to me.

4. Chatsworth Christmas Parade, which became the Holiday parade sometime in the 80s. The Budweiser Clydesdales always marched.

5. Eazy-E’s official residence was in Chatsworth when he died. He actually died at Cedars Sinai, protected by Black Muslims for some reason.

6. The dad from Teen Wolf lived down the block. He once bought a bagel from me after I’d convinced the kids in the neighborhood to go into the bagel business.

7. The Munch Box. A yellow boxed building right near the train tracks that serves the only real chili in the world.

8. I saw Hulk Hogan at Thifty’s once. His wife Linda was my mom’s manicurist. When I was an extra in Gremlins II, I met him again. Knows how to treat his fans, the Hulkster.

9. Germain St. School's first Mexican student--Miguel.

10. The time in 6th grade we went to a high school football game. On the way home a dog chased us, and I jumped over a fence for the first time. I was the geek with the two toughest kids in school. Norma and Stevie Miller befriended me when they realized that I enjoyed the same complete lack of supervision they were afforded by having single mothers who were actively dating.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

As Subtle as the Huffington Post's Feelings About Hillary Clinton

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Guide to Living on Earth With All These Shitty People Around

Anger While Driving: The belief that no one should ever get in your fucking way and lots of other helpful definitions.

read more | digg story