Thursday, November 30, 2006

Valley Jew: THE GAME

Click "read more" to read 50 random, fun facts. Then work them randomly into conversation this weekend. Like: "You think you're tired? On average a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute."

Let me know how it goes.

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Is Your Website Credible? Top 10 Guidelines Based on Research

If you want to make a website that people respect, Stanford's Persuasive Technology lab can tell you how. Here's a freebie from me: No erotic animated GIFS!

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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

They Said it Doesn't Matter, But Now Michael Richards' Judiasm is a Big Issue

His crisis expert first said that he was Jewish, not we're learning that Michael Richards only "considers" himself Jewish.

That's how powerful the Seinfeld stereotype is! Even Michael Richards buys into it.

Haunted: The Dead in “The Dead”

Who is dead in James Joyce’s “The Dead”? Well, in the climactic story of the collection Dubliners, each of the deceased characters mentioned have died before the story begins.

Pat Morkan, the brother of the two women who raised Gabriel Conroy, the main character, died long ago. It was after his death that the two aunts moved, started their own music school began putting on their annual dance that serves as the setting for the story.

Michael Furey died long ago, as well. He enters the story in the mind of Gretta Conroy, Gabriel’s wife, aroused by the words of an old song he used to sing. And how did he die? Stricken with some serious illness, he sneaks out in the middle of the night to see Gretta one last time before she leaves for Dublin. Gabriel only finds out about this romantic entanglement because he misinterprets his wife’s graceful repose as she listens to an old song. The way she stands arouses a great lust in her husband’s heart. After building up a sexual encounter in his mind that will restore the ecstasy in their marriage, Gabriel seeks answers when his wife does not respond to his advances. He perversely forces the tortured history of Gretta’s love Michael Furey’s out (Leonard 289). The truth destroys Gabriel, makes him feel ashamed, as if intruding on her grief. This truth causes him to feel that, “some impalpable and vindictive being was coming against him, gathering forces against him in its vague world” (Joyce 187).

And the goose that is served as the main course is also dead.

But of course, Joyce is dealing with a death on a deeper level. The dead must be a “symbol of something,” in Gabriel’s words. The most famous Joyce critic, James Joyce himself, provides the predominate opinion of what death means in “The Dead”:

My intention was to write a chapter of the moral history of my country and I chose Dublin for the scene because that city seemed to me the center of paralysis [my italics]. I have tried to present it to the indifferent public under four of its aspects: childhood, adolescence, maturity and public life. The stories are arranged in this order. (Joyce 1975, 83)

So The Dead is, according to the author, a story about paralysis in public life.

Given that interpretation, what has caused this paralysis, this death in public life? Women! Chicks. Babes. All of the obstacles the author puts in the way of Gabriel are women. At every turn Gabriel confronts by women who disrupt his sense of identity. Joyce gives us plenty of indication of who Gabriel thinks he is via his internal monologue, and almost every woman in the story provides him evidence that his perception is not reality. The world that Gabriel is living in cannot provide him the comforts he seeks. At the end of the story, his spirit is dead. And the culprit is a society of empowered women and powerful men of the past who are taking away his ability to live an engaged, happy life.

The dead have cuckolded him.

According to Eve Sedgwick, the goal of Homosocial society is to cuckold other men. Sedgwick defines the terms of such a society as dealing in transactions, “of honor between men over the dead, discredited or dishonored body of a woman.” In her book Between Men, she dissects literature from Shakespeare’s sonnets to the 19th century novel to undress the social transactions of men dealing with men. She identifies the main goal of male society is to dominate each other while women live in a subclass of permanent inequality, “children are supposed to grow up into parents, but wives are not supposed to grow into husbands” (Sedgwick 178). It is this stagnant perception of women that works to sate men who live with constant slights by other men:

…in the presence of a woman who is seen as pitiable and contemptible, men are able to exchange power to confirm each other’s value even in context of the remaining inequalities of power. The sexually pitiable or contemptible female figure is a solvent that not only facilitates the relative democratization that grows up with capitalism and cash exchange but goes a long way—for the men whom she leaves bonded together—toward palliating it gaps and failures. (Sedgwick 160)

A defining characteristic of such societies is that slights by women are magnified and distorted in perspective.

… for a man to undergo even a humiliating change in the course of relationship with a man still feels like preserving or participating in the sum of male power, while for a man to undergo any change in the course of a relationship with a woman feels like a radical degeneration of substance. (Sedgwick 45)

Is Joyce’s paralytic Dublin a Homosocial space? Gabriel notes himself that the world around him is changing:

But we are living in a skeptical and, if I may use the phrase, a thought-tormented age: and sometimes I fear that this new generation, educated or hypereducated as it is, will lack those qualities of humanity, of hospitality, of kindly humor which belonged to an older day. (Joyce)

This new world that Gabriel cautions against is populated with women like Molly Ivors, who has earned the same education and social success of Gabriel, and is now engaged in the nationalist movement that is truly trying to reform entirely what Ireland is. This new world also contains women like the servant Lily who instead of looking forward to the sacrament of marriage, scornfully refers to all men as palavers. This is a world that Gabriel is not suited for, a world of women who are growing up to be husbands.

Monday, November 27, 2006

How Not to Take Care of a Baby

"A Canadian man who could not figure out how to deal with his girlfriend's feverish 10-month-old daughter put the baby into a freezer to cool her down, a local newspaper reported on Friday. Derrick Hardy faces charges of criminal negligence and assaulting the infant, who was rescued when her mother came home, the Charlottetown Guardian said." Read more.

MSNBC, NBC News to Use The Phrase 'Civil War' to Describe Iraq; Fox News to Use 'Sectarian Violence' to Describe the US Civil War

MSNBC and NBC News have decided to begin referring to the civil war raging in Iraq as a "civil war," despite White House objections. Click 'Read More' for video proof.

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Random Leonardo DiCaprio Moment: Superstardom to "Leo Mania"

The move from 'star' to 'superstar' came when Leonardo DiCaprio played Jack Dawson in Titanic (1997). The highest grossing movie ever (unadjusted for inflation; taking inflation into account, it is the sixth highest), it received eleven Academy Awards. Over the course of the next few years he would become a household name worldwide, synonymous with labels such as 'teenage heart-throb' and sex symbol. With a status that spawned fantasy crushes and hysteria worldwide, E! Online described him as the most gorgeous celebrity on the planet, while his co-star Kate Winslet said she agreed with others in deeming him the "most beautiful man on Earth". At the peak of his celebrity in 1998, DiCaprio fronted scores of magazine covers ranging from Vanity Fair to Rolling Stone[1], and was once the most searched for personality in the early years of the Internet. DiCaprio agreed to play the spoof role of his real life 'teen idol' persona during this period, in Woody Allen's satirical parody, Celebrity.

Perhaps overrun or overhyped by fame from what became known as 'Leo-Mania' the world over - from the shores of Thailand all the way to Afghanistan (where the government there banned 'DiCaprio style' haircuts amongst the youth) and Australia (where in Tullamarine, Victoria, a restaurant called "DiCaprio's" was established in 1998 which is still there to this day [citation needed]), what came apropos with fame were tales in the tabloids of excesses and indulgence. Time magazine summed up the fame superhighway and its trappings in an interview with the actor in 2000, reporting: 'DiCaprio still thinks of himself as an edgy indie actor, not the Tiger Beat cover boy. "I have no connection with me during that whole Titanic phenomenon and what my face became around the world.", also commenting "I'll never reach that state of popularity again, and I don't expect to, It's not something I'm going to try to achieve either."

Nonetheless, the headlines and controversy failed to let up, peaking when he starred in a project by Danny Boyle based on Alex Garland's backpacker culture classic, The Beach that year. Because of clashes with the Thai authorities over the use of the island of Ko Phi Phi in 1999, the film garnered more bad press than expected. It was reported that permission granted to the film company to physically alter the environment inside Phi Phi Islands National Park was illegal. In the end, the film also did not score as well as expected at the box office, losing mainstream commercial appeal due to its content. Also, fans of the original novel claimed it did not do justice to Garland's work [citation needed].

From Wikipedia.

Where Can a Jew Get Laid? JESUS CAMP

Jesus Camp is a documentary about a Christian summer camp where children are brainwashed to believe in Christianity for life. One child is conditioned to believe the Earth is 6,000 years old through a cartoon. He is home schooled, and learns physical science from a book that attempts to reconcile the creationist account with scientific principles. Get it for free through the link below and your favorite Bit Torrent client.

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Sunday, November 26, 2006

Free Services for Your Cellphone

The New York Times breaks down what you can do for free with your phone.

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Propranolol for the Spotless Mind

This Sunday, 60 Minutes took a look at the controversial drug Propranolol. Recent studies involving the drug have found that it helps patients deal with difficult experiences--like attacks and witnessing tragedies--that might lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder by erasing the trauma from our memory.

According to Leslie Stahl, science is finding that memories are like "jello", they take time to form. The closer the drug is delivered to the occurence of the trauma, the better chance of recovery.

The Bush administration, of course, has condemned the study as potential threat to our identity. Pain is there to teach us something, critics say.

Dr. Roger Pittman, who heads the study at Harvard University, says based on that logic we should deny those in extreme physical pain drugs like morphine.

The most shocking part of the story is how similar the science behind this treatment is to the faux-science in Michel Gondry's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Just as in the movie, patients are asked forced to recall traumas while they take doses of the drug. Unlike the movie, the patient's memories are just activated by thinking. They don't use artifacts of the bad memories, like journals documenting lost loves or dead pets' collars.

Beyond the ethics and creepiness of this scientific development, the real news is that the people who have taken the treatment say that it works. And not just for recent traumas.

"I feel like I have my identity back," says one middle-aged patient. She had been haunted the memory of rape she suffered as a child at the hands of her family doctor. Propranolol has made those memories less present and potent in her everyday life. For the first time in her life she can undress in front of her husband without feeling ashamed.

That's the kind of healing that seems to only happen in the movies.

How Will History Judge Us?

How can any Jew not be affected by this ad?

Even Orwell Couldn't Have Predicted YouTube

As usual the comments on the video's page are stellar, "They need to crop the chimp out of the middle."

Lets Just Agree that They Should Be Impeached

We all know that compared to Clinton, Bush and Cheney should be impeached, tarred, feathered, sent to Siberia and then have their cars towed. But let's not waste the time actually doing it. Let's hope our new Congress focuses on positive legislation to end the war, secure the homeland, reduce the burden on the middle class and reverse global warming.

As far as Bush and Cheney go, I hope their version of a punitive hell actually exists. In fact, a better debate than impeachment would be which level of hell these two belong in.

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I Married a VJ

Enjoy this fictionalized, freestyled story about my mythical relationship with Martha Quinn.

I Married a VJ
2 MB Download

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Your Car Should Know if You're Drunk

The New York Times says we should stop all drunk driving with one technical fix.

Sam Harris and the Problem of Religious Belief

Friday, November 24, 2006

Krauthammer: Jews, You've Got It
Too Good in America

To Conservative pundit Charles Krauthammer the popularity of Borat is, "an unintentionally revealing demonstration of the unfortunate attitude many liberal Jews have toward working-class American Christians, especially evangelicals."

To Krauthammer, the subtle, seething Anti-Semitism that Borat discovers in America isn't an issue to be addressed. Truman and Nixon made Jew jokes, but they helped Israel!

Dear Krauty,

The subtle yet seething Anti-Semitism that Borat casually discovers is crucial to understanding how democracy actually works. And not because it's about the Jews or Jews laughing at Christians. When people in America are quick to attack any minority group--when it's made kosher by context, in this case an oblivious foreigner--we have to look at the rusty hinges that can burst the door off a civil democracy.

America is obviously the best country in the world for Jews. So does that mean we should blend in and not make trouble just because there aren't weekly synagogue burnings?

The Jew's instinct to comedy is one of the most vital elements in American thought and an aspect of our culture that makes the societies that accept Jews the most vibrant and livable places in the world.

The fact that most of the people who bought ticket to Borat are probably working-class Christians should tell you that no culture in unitary in its beliefs. Maybe your generation doesn't understand how silly and humorous the prejudices of the past seem. But believe me, it makes me smile every time when I imagine sour-faced critics like you getting angry rather than enjoying Richard Pyror explaining whiteness to us, Carol O'Connor justifying good-American bigotry or Borat getting people to sing about throwing Jews down the well.

If it's OK for Truman and Nixon to make Jew jokes, it's fine for us to make hillbilly jokes as long as we help America, right? And believe me, Borat is much better for America than your sour, trite BS.


Valley Jew

Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Michael Richards and Andy Kaufman Connection

Metafiler has a great thread on it.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Riley Martin Forgives Kramer

Riley Martin, friend of the Aliens and the author of the book The Coming of Tan, has the final word on the Michael Richards fiasco. "Seinfeld, Letterman, I can take or leave, but I love Kramer," Martin said Wednesday night on his Sirius satellite radio show.

Martin claims to have been abducted and educated by the Biaviians, on of seven species of aliens, every eleven years since he was six.

Now he is calling on all earthlings to give Kramer a break. And I agree. Richards made a fool of himself in front of the world, and that's punishment enough. No more Michael Richards posts.

Michael Richards in Blackface

Crisis Expert Says that Michael Richards IS Jewish

Howard Rubenstein, a New York publicist who Michael Richards hired to help with his racism problem, says that Seinfeld's Kramer is not Anti-Semitic. In fact, he's Jewish!

I've been hoping all week that Richards wasn't Jewish. The Jewiest publication ever, the Jewish Journal, said he wasn't, but this doesn't look good. Just the last name Rubenstein is enough to make me trust old Howie.

I think even if Richards is Jewish he should convert to the Nation of Islam. That's his best hope for resolving this mess now that Gloria Allred is on the bandwagon. Apparently she might have recognized that this nonsense will get her more noteriety than the Borat nonsense.

Taste My Blog

You may if you have synaesthesia.

Download The Corporation for Free

The Corporation, the award-winning film with an impressive 90% Rotten Tomatoes rating is now available as a free torrent download.

Sorry: this is the 2004 documentary The Corporation, not the 1997 version staring Ian Ziering.

Michael Richards Also Hates Jews

We're all in this together. Get set for reports of Michael Richards' rants about every minority on the planet. I heard he went off on Autistic Diabetic Filipinos at the Chuckle Cave in Hermosa Beach.

That's right! Michael Richards even hates the JEWS. Claims we killed one of his homeboys. Jesus or something.

If I looked as Jewy as him and wasn't, I'd be bitter too.

If you want the honest truth of this, the lesson we can learn: celebrities, especially racist ones, shouldn't assume standup comedy is easy.

Is Michael Richards a Jew? NO!

Michael Richards is not Jewish, says the very Jewish Jewish Journal.

This is great news for Jews, who all love blacks or African-Americans, even African-Non-Americans, BTW.

So, don't punch us!

And hells yeah, we still have Larry David.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Israel Must Recognize Gay Marriages

Take that, Orthodox Jews!

It's Unbearably Horrible to Imagine a Gang Rape Victim
Punished More Severely than Her Assailants

Is This How We're Getting Out of Iraq?

Tom Hayden has a theory.

A True Hero of Comedy: Walid Hassan

From the BBC: Walid Hassan, the Shia Muslim star of al-Sharqiyah TV's sketch show Caricature, was killed in western Baghdad on Monday. Mr Hassan was shot dead by unknown gunmen while driving to work through the city's Yarmouk district. His killing was the latest in a series of attacks on Iraqi broadcasters."He was an actor who made fun of the miserable situation in our country," a grieving fan told Associated Press news agency."But some people don't like that, so he was assassinated to silence him," he added.

Just another terrible symptom of a world gone mad. I know it doesn't mean anything, but I have to apologize to all the people who have suffered because of our country's misguided invasion of Iraq.

Meet the Latest Insane Bush Appointee

George W. Bush continues his continuing trend of casting his administration like a reality show i.e. let's take some one who hates the environment and put them in charge of the EPA.

Bush's appointment to deputy assistant secretary of population affairs within the Department of Health and Human Services is Eric Keroack.

According to Slate, "Keroack is a Massachusetts obstetrician-gynecologist who argues that abstinence until marriage is the only healthy choice for women. Until recently, he served as medical director of a pregnancy-counseling organization that runs down contraception and gives out scientifically false health information—for instance, that condoms "offer virtually no protection" against herpes or HPV. Keroack also promotes a wacky piece of pseudoscience: the claim that premarital sex disrupts brain chemistry so as to create a physiological barrier to happy marriage."

Bigger Hair = More Sex (For Hens)

"Hens with bigger fleshy crests on their heads get more sex and larger quantities of sperm from dominant male roosters, according to a new study." Read more.

More Laughing at Foreigners

Watch Arrested Development

Open Source Dining

ChefMoz is a cool way to find and share opinions about restaurants.

Monday, November 20, 2006

It's Happening #3:
Valley Jew Goes Carbon Neutral

Enjoy some tips for trimming CO2 Emissions and your electricity bill.

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Duke Ellington on Record Making

An Open Apology to All People Offended by Michael Richards' Racist Tirade

My pal just pointed that Kramer's tirade on the stage of the Laugh Factory has probably set Jewish/Black relations back further than Jackie Mason's last comeback album. I was shocked. I had been enjoying Richards' shame all day and didn't even realize that he was Jewish.

But wait, is he Jewish?

Then I realized that to most people everyone on Seinfeld is a Jew. Except the Soup Nazi and the dancing boss guy.

Thus I can no longer enjoy Michael Richards' completely serious racist rant.

Knowing some facts in advance, I wasn't terribly surprised by his outburst. Richards is a famous comedic actor who is an OK comic. If you don't know him TV, he might be as funny as a homeless person pretending to walk with a very tall sawhorse dangerously near his crotch.

I think I was more impressed, knowing the weekend crowds at the Laugh Factory, that no one in the club tried to kill Richards.

But if you think of Richards as Jewy, let me both apologize and insist that he does not speak for me. I don't believe in insulting people based on race unless it's hilariously funny.

Thank you.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

O'Reilly Blasts People Who Avoid Reality

One of my favorite things in the world is Bill O'Reilly speaking out about the serious isues like the WAR against Christmas and now the "MACHINES."


American society is changing for the worse because of the machines… In the past to flee the real world people usually chose drugs or alcohol… now you don’t have to do that, Now all you have to do is have enough money to buy a machine…

Basically what you have is a large portion of the population, mostly younger people under the age of 45, who don’t deal with reality - ever. So they don’t know what day it is; they don’t know temperature it is; they don’t know what their neighbor looks like. They don’t know anything… because they are constantly diverted by a machine. Now what this does is it takes a person away from reality because they’ve created their own reality…

Remaking a Classic by the Robert Frost of Reggae

You Ain't No Picasso presents Ted Leo's cover of Jimmy Cliff's "Many Rivers to Cross."

Drastically different and, in its own way, as evocative as The Walkmen's recent cover of the same song.

Smarten Up Your Commute

With these online lectures from MIT, Harvard, Stanford, Oxford and Princeton.

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Saturday, November 18, 2006

It's Happening:
Valley Jew Chronicles the Battle Against Global Warming

"Voters in Boulder, Colorado, a liberal college town, have approved what environmentalists say may be the nation’s first 'carbon tax,' intended to reduce emissions of heat-trapping gases. The tax, to take effect on April 1, will be based on the number of kilowatt-hours used. Officials say it will add $16 a year to an average homeowner’s electricity bill and $46 for businesses." Read more.

What Would Thomas Pynchon Look Like Today?

Entertainment Weekly presents a visual hypothesis based on his 1955 yearbook photo.

Saturday SHOCK: Canada Has a Religious Right

I'm Always Interested to Find Out

how stupid and ill-informed I am. This list of the 25 Greatest Science Books of All-Time put together by Discover Magazine is great list for me to come to terms with my ignorance. From Darwin, to Newton to Einstein, I haven't read any. Maybe I should start with number 25, Gaia by James Lovelock, and work my way down.

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Friday, November 17, 2006

If Only I Had a Job To Quit

The Economist reports on more bloggers quitting their jobs to live of the revenue of their blogs. Their one example is Dooce, Heather Armstrong's blog about being disenchanted Mormon in Utah.

Believe you me, no one is more disenchanted than a Valley Jew.

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New Hope for a New Mideast Peace Plan

Almost six years after the Bush Administration suggested that President Clinton was "too involved" and trying to establish a peaceful resolution to the Palestinian/Israeli conflict, superpowers Spain, France and Italy hope to pick up where peace left off.

Cooperation Really Goes Down the Drain When Money is an Issue

New study proves that money makes nearly everyone Jewy!

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Explaining the Joke

I know it only helps generate more interest in his movie, but I wish the genius behind Borat didn't have to explain that he doesn't really hate Jews.

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Eagle Rock: The Only Place to Live in LA

Sometimes confused with the Valley, the Glendale, Eagle Rock and Pasadena area is actually a hybrid cousin of the Valley, combining semi-sedate living with actual, real-life culture.

And the LA Times is noticing again: It's taken 10 years, but the prediction seems to have finally come true. Eagle Rock really is the next Silver Lake.

It's Happening: Valley Jew Chronicles the Move to Carbon Neutrality

Here's an essential movement that needs to happen for people to abandon oil: the alternatives need to be fast and sexy.

The Lotus Exige 265E the most powerful road version of the Exige ever. It runs on Bio Fuel and goes from 0-60 in just 3.88-seconds.

Nice job, Lotus.

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Microsoft Zune: Rewarding Sharing or Spamming

The wireless sharing capabilities of Microsoft's new Zune are the secret weapons or hollow-tips that will turn MS's first digital media player into an iPod-killer.

Now comes the news that users will be rewarded for sharing songs with free downloaded content. A potentially genius move that works against the lack of tangibility and ownership that's inherent in DRM media. Will this lead to obnoxious spamming or just promote the natural ear-to-ear distribution, which is the real way music spreads.

Either way it's another true innovation. And that's the way you beat a product that's as well-crafted and fervently embraced as the iPod.

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Get on Your Knees, Fellas:
South Africa Ahead of US in Civil Rights

The country that enforced Apartied two decades ago is now allowing gay marriage. How did we fall so behind the times?

Happiness is Just an Illusion: Indie-Rocking Motown

Musical genius Quarterbar of Meanest Man Contest and the Jim Yoshii Pileup has reworked some Motown classics creating something soulful and new. You have to hear them.

Monday, November 13, 2006 Connects NYC Travelers To Share Cabs To and From Airport Great idea? Or the next web phenomenon to be linked to sexual assault?

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The Word of the Year Brought to You By the Global Climate Crisis

Congratulations, Carbon Neutral.

You are the Oxford English Dictionary Word of the Year for 2006.

"Being carbon neutral involves calculating your total climate-damaging carbon emissions (your 'carbon footprint'), reducing them where possible, and then balancing your remaining emissions, often by purchasing a carbon offset: paying to plant new trees or investing in 'green' technologies such as solar and wind power."

Read More.

101 Ways To Save Money

See how many will work for you.

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What Does Fondle and Caress Mean?

From the Movable Buffet:

"I interviewed prominent attorney and strip club landlord Dominic Gentile on Saturday about last weeks' controversial Nevada Supreme Court decision. The decision allows the city of Las Vegas to punish strippers or customers who 'fondle' or 'caress.' Before that this ordinance had been deemed too vague by lower courts. And probably for good reason. As I blogged last week, the problem for dancers and customers is that no one involved in the case agrees on what the fondle and caress ban means."

To me "fondle" and "caress" mean "one damn good lapdance." Get Paid for Your Opinion

The following is a paid review:

When I was in college, two of my friends were the Arts editors for the school’s paper. Every day they received stacks of CDs from all over the country from artists, labels and PR people desperately seeking reviews. Every few months they’d walk over to the nearest record store to sell the CDs, whether they ended up reviewing them or not. They used that money to produce their first EP. And there was something very right about the whole cycle.

With, this world of perks for publicity is open to anyone with a blog. The site brings Advertisers together with Bloggers to create a perfect circle of back scratching. Products get reviewed honestly—advertisers cannot demand positive reviews—and bloggers get paid. I can’t see any ethical dilemma to this as long as the bloggers are admitting that they are being paid for their consideration. This is something that the older media calls “Full Disclosure” and it’s specious at best. We assume that movie reviewers get free tickets to movies, but they don’t tell us when they’ve been wined, dined and flown places to interview the stars or watch the movies they review. If that kind of Full Disclosure existed, the disclaimers would be longer than the news.

Transparency is what makes the web great. You see who is advertising on every page. Within seconds you can find who owns any specific URL and now if you have a product you think you might like you can forgo the seduction and ass-kissing that is so much more tasteless than just offering a fee for a blogger’s time. That fee is based on the size of the blogger’s influence and readership, which is all gathered by objective statistics. No one is the fool with And ventures like this empower ordinary journalist/commentators to spend time on their publication. The twenty dollars I’m getting for this review would take me months to earn through Google AdSense and will pay for enough beer and/or burritos to fuel dozens of posts. says that one of the benefits for Advertisers of not demanding positive reviews is that their product will get some cheap, insightful response and user experience information. As someone new to, I’m impressed by the simplicity of the concept and the execution. I just hope in the future there will be some way for bloggers to approach advertisers. Right now you have to sit around and wait to be offered a product to review. As Plato should have said, any site that rewards steady proactiveness will be a site that grows exponentially.

If you have a blog, I recommend you try and see if you feel compromised or rewarded.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Borat v. The Jew

Fellas, Want to Be a Woman?

Just move to New York City.

A proposed ruling by the city's Board of Health will allow adults to alter the gender on their birth certificate, even if they haven't had a sex change.

This is actually a smart, backdoor way to legalize same-sex marriage.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

More Great News

1)The weekly column of Thomas P.M. Barnett—the most important, articulate and wry security analyst alive—is starting to get picked up by more newspapers.

The better news?

2) This week, Barnett calls on Barack Obama to run for President, making him the second genius I've heard to speak fondly of this suggestion this week. The first was the Rockridge Insitute's George Lakoff.

Friday, November 10, 2006

What? Lap Dances Banned in Las Vegas!

The Nevada Supreme Court has overruled a lower court to uphold a city ordinance banning lap dances. This seems to have caught everyone by surprise. According to the Review-Journal : "In the decision, Justice Nancy Becker said the city ordinance was intended to prohibit lap dances." City attorney Brad Jerbic is now facing the horror of that reality for the local economy. Read More.

A Great Book Summed Up in a Great Post

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience,” describes flow as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.” Read it now.

Ask a Mutherfucking Jew

As the anti-social King of Social Networking the ladies often ask me where they should look for love on the Internet.

Why I remember just the other day…

Hey Jew,
My very conservative friend needs a date. Where on the Internet could she look? You know these things, perv.
Ganja McRastafarian

Dear G—

The most conservative dating site on the web is also the most boringest. I tried eharmony about three times before I filled out their application to completion. My theory is that it’s like Scientology in that they are a) trying to bore you into submission or b) get enough information on you that they can “blackmail” you. I put that in quotes because no one follows through on that threat unless they are insane or madly in lust with you. But it’s still all creepy.

Here’s my advice to your friend:

Sign up on ANY dating site from MySpace to Match to AdultFriendFinder and be honest. If that means saying, “I’m all conservative and blah, blah, blah, blah. No David Hinkley types,” etc. etc., do it. But be honest in a main section of the profile.

THEN, make sure your pictures match your approach. Meaning: Don’t just put up any picture of you looking hot. Put up some that show you in context, like if you’re a teacher show you in the classroom.

You will get WAY less responses this way, but the level of decorum and intelligence MAY go up.

Also, if she is someone who thinks she’s conservative but really just likes the more slimy and charming jerky guys, send her to Jdate.

Have questions for this Mutherfucking Jew? Email valleyjew at

Save the Date

Not scheduling enough fun into your anthromorphized life?

Please come to:

All Fur Fun 2007

The Scary Thing for Republicans

Is that this election might restore people's faith in democrazy.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

More Great News on the Horizon for the Democrats

The best selection of candidates ever for president in 2008.

The best black candidate ever-- Barack Obama.

The best female candidate ever-- Hilary Clinton.

The most qualified candidate ever-- Al Gore.

Monday, November 06, 2006

This American Life Podcast- NOW FREE

Subscribe to the best radio on radio here.

Your Jew Song of the Week

Download it here.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Good Verbs for Your Resume

Post Scripted
Checked out

Friday, November 03, 2006

Slimiest Campaign Ads of 2006

From Slate.

If You Ever Want to Cook for Me

Some delcious Fried Chicken recipes.

But please, excuse yourself before you have to watch me eat.

Time for a Vegas Trip!

Hasselhoff to Play DeBris in Vegas 'Producers'!

Highlight from My Favorite Message Board

"Hi Howard. I am writing this in the hopes that you'll read this, as I'm only trying to be helpful.

I noticed that when discussing sexual proclivities with a female guest, you make this faux pas. "When discussing anal sex, you ask if the woman in question wether her man gives her anal sex. That would mean that SHE is fucking her MAN with a strap on! after all, Her man doesn't give Her pussy, she gives the pussy to her man. He doesn't give HER a blowjob, she gives Him a blow job, get it? Although He can give it TO her in the ass, but if he gives her anal, it's the other way around, you dig?

P.S. the show has NEVER been better, God doesn't exist, Artie, clean up your fucking act, Howard, Robin, Fred, Artie, Gary, Richard - You all RULE!, Ralph, Sal and Ronnie- got take a ridethrough Harlem in a convertible at night yelling "Nigger", and JD, stop being a wishy-washy cunt & get laid already!

Arevederchi, Cocksucker!!
PS. "

These and more grammatical atrocities on SternFanNetwork.