Valley Jew. The Chosen Blog.

Why If Nominated Hillary Clinton Will Be Elected

Women will not be able to resist the image of a Chelsea introducing her mother on the last night of the Democratic Convention.

Why Won’t You Love Me?!

This all takes place right after Columbine, so I have to apologize for having been a bit of a Nazi back then. I’m really a Jew, so being a Nazi is especially embarrassing. Let me be clear, I was not, nor have I ever been, a member of the Nazi party. I was just a Nazi in that archetypal sense. Like we all are sometimes.

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Who Doesn't Feel Fat Right Now?

"All right, raise your hands: how many of you spent at least five minutes yesterday either: a) clutching your stomach and moaning, b) stretched out flat on your back with all your limbs splayed like a starfish; c) puking?" Janet W. Hardy, co-author of The Ethical Slut, reveals the ways in which fat can be sexy.

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The Thanksgiving Massacre of 1896

Skeptics, of course, argue that it's simply impossible for a turkey to do such a thing. But John Prindle recalls with absolute alacrity the turkey who got his revenge.

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The Best Stand-Up Comics Ever

That I've Ever Seen
1. Chapelle
2. Rock
3. Sam Tripoli
4. The "Handicapped" Open Mic-er/ Adam Sandler
5. Paul Moody/ Brian Holtzman

That I've Ever Heard Of
1. Woody Allen
2. Richard Pryor
3. Bill Hicks
4. Lenny Bruce
5. George Carlin/Dimitri Martin/ Willie Tyler (Solo)

RCRD LBL's First Podcast

The "record label" that is bringing you free, ad-supported downloads debuts its podcast filled with ridiculously great music from Junip, Meanest Man Contest, Jaques Renault and Kings and Queens.

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RCRD LBL's First Podcast

The "record label" that is bringing you free, ad-supported downloads debuts its podcast filled with ridiculously great music from Junip, Meanest Man Contest, Jaques Renault and Kings and Queens.

read more | digg story

The Three Scariest Things About America in November of 2007

1. We may attack Iran.
An administration who has a history of trumping up charges to launch a(n) (ironically) strategic war, seems to be up to its old tricks.

2. 9/11 Truth Movement
Like the last episode of the Sopranos, 9/11 has turn many Americans into warbling professors. Suddenly Joe the IT specialist knows everything there is to know about the physics of large-scale demolition. I understand why people are suspicious (see my #1 and World Trade 7) but c'mon people. Do you really think this administration could pull that kind of ruse off? They barely stole Florida.

3. Hillary Hatred
I'm very tempted to call the Hillary haters misogynists. But I'm not. Yet. However, when perfectly logical people are spouting Fox News talking points about Hillary, the deeper bias of this kind of anger suggests a serious anxiety about gender and power issues. What really bugs me is that there is a justified air to the way that Hillary is hated. In the tone I hear people thinking, "I know why she deserves to be hated and if you don't the you are just being blind." I like Hillary. I think here is a woman who fights tooth and nail every minute of her life to empowering working class people. What are the crimes? She's not as clean as Romney, but Romney is a Simpsons character, a mix of the Mayor and Flanders. But she less shady than McCain on the S&Ls, Giuliani with his marriages and maybe even Edwards with his ridiculously pious doublespeak. She's a damn good politician whose agenda reflects the views of most of the American public. She's never done anything to you. So relax, buddy. We'll be fine with a woman in charge. Direct your anger toward the men who might deserve it, like Rove and Bush or Cheney. I can understand why you might hate them.

The Cinematic Struggle to Make Writing Interesting

Janet W. Hardy writes, after three cups of coffee and cleaning a million crumbs, "Given that writers writing are not very interesting to look at, most writer movies point their lens at that perennial figure of derision, the writer with writer’s block. "

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My dumb theory about Pakistan

Is Musharraf is about to capture bin Laden, and he knows the country will go nuts when he does.

If he does that then at least the crazy Lincoln comparisons make sense.